"The Slim Shady" [Eminem] May I have your attention I have your attention please? Will the real Slim Shady please stand I repeat, will the real Shady please stand up? We're gonna a problem here.. Y'all act like you never seen a white person Jaws all on the floor Pam, like Tommy just burst in the door and whoopin her ass worse than before they were divorce, throwin her over furniture (Ahh!) It's the return the... "Ah, wait, no way, you're kidding, he didn't just say what I think he did he?" And Dre said... nothing you idiots! Dr. dead, he's locked in my basement! (Ha-ha!) Feminist women love [*vocal chigga chigga chigga*] "Slim I'm sick of him Look at him, walkin around his you-know-what the you-know-who," "Yeah, but he's so cute though!" Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up my head loose But no worse, than what's goin on in your parents' Sometimes, I wanna get on TV and just let loose, can't but it's cool for Tom Green to hump a moose "My bum is on your my bum is on your lips" if I'm lucky, you might just give it a little kiss that's the message that we deliver to little kids And expect them not to know a woman's clitoris is Of course they gonna what intercourse is By the time hit fourth grade They got the Discovery Channel don't "We ain't nothing but mammals.." Well, of us cannibals cut other people open like cantaloupes [SLURP] But if we can hump dead and antelopes then there's no reason that a man and another man can't [*EWWW!*] But if you feel I feel, I got the antidote Women wave your pantyhose, sing the chorus it goes [Chorus: Eminem 2X)] 'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real All you Slim Shadys are just imitating So won't the real Shady please stand up, please stand please stand up? [Eminem] Will Smith don't gotta cuss in his to sell his records; well I do, so fuck him and fuck you You think give a damn about a Grammy? Half you critics can't even stomach me, let alone stand me "But what if you win, wouldn't it be weird?" Why? So you could just lie to get me here? So you can, sit me next to Britney Spears? Shit, Aguilera better switch me chairs so I can sit to Carson Daly and Fred Durst and hear 'em argue over she gave head to first You little bitch, put me on on MTV "Yeah, cute, but I think he's married to Kim, hee-hee!" I should her audio on MP3 and show the whole world how gave Eminem VD [AHHH!] I'm sick you little girl and boy groups, all you do is annoy me so I have been here to destroy you [bzzzt] And there's a million of us just like who cuss me; who just don't give a fuck like me dress like me; walk, talk and act like me and just might be the next best thing but not quite [Chorus] [Eminem] I'm like a head trip to listen to, cause I'm only you you joke about with your friends inside your living room The only difference is I got the balls to it in front of y'all and I don't be false or sugarcoated at all I just on the mic and spit it and you like to admit it [*ERR*] I just shit it better than percent of you rappers out can Then wonder how can kids eat up these albums like valiums It's funny; cause at the rate I'm goin when thirty I'll be the only person in nursin home flirting Pinchin nurses asses when I'm jackin off Jergens And I'm jerkin but this bag of Viagra isn't working And every single person is Slim Shady lurkin He could be workin Burger King, spittin on your onion rings [*HACH*] Or in the lot, circling Screaming "I give a fuck!" with his down and his system up So, will the real please stand up? And put one of those on each hand up? And be proud to be outta your mind and control and more time, loud as you can, how does it go? [Chorus 4X] [Eminem] Ha ha Guess there's a Slim Shady in all us Fuck it, let's stand up